Apocalyptic Read online

  That kind of romance-novel hero crap was one of the things I enjoyed about him. Alexa deserved some Knight-in-Shining-Armor action from time to time.

  Because mine was black as fuck.

  But in our world the white knight didn’t always win. Heroics were risky. Shaz gambled his life every night he was with us.

  Raised voices drew our attention to two guys shoving each other by the jukebox. Guess I wasn’t the only one who hated country music. I got the feeling these wolves couldn’t get through a night without a ruckus. Throwing punches became just a way to entertain themselves.

  “Yeah, I probably should go. You stay here though.” I propped my cue against the back of a chair.

  Shaz let his pool cue clatter to the floor in his haste to keep up with me as I headed for the door. “Arys, you know I’m not letting you leave here without me. Don’t make this difficult. It doesn’t have to be.”

  “Suit yourself then. But whatever you do, don’t bleed.”

  The universe is a cruel mistress. It’s like the powers that be were constantly finding new ways to tell me to go fuck myself.

  No sooner had I spoken than the first moron sucker punched the second, breaking his nose. The blood poured. The spill of violence hung heavy on the air.

  I lost it.

  Shaz saw the blood, smelled it, and he knew. He grabbed me as I launched myself in the wolves’ direction. Both hands on my shoulders, he shoved me back. Hard, violent almost, Shaz herded me toward the exit.

  “Outside, Arys. Don’t fight me on this. I’ll knock you the fuck out.” Shaz’s eyes were drowning wolf. He was ready to defend himself and his wolves. He shouted a command for Owen to split up the fight before throwing me out of his bar on my ass.

  We were alone in the parking lot. I didn’t trust myself. I couldn’t anymore and neither could he. “Then knock me the fuck out. Do it.”

  “What? Are you serious?” He pushed me again, driving me further away from the front of the club.

  “Dead serious.” I stood there, letting him shove me, inviting the punch that never came. “Do it, Shaz. You can’t trust me right now. I’m slipping.”

  Shaz grabbed hold of my shirt and tried to steady me. He held on when I tried to pull away. The musky wolf scent of him was too much.

  “No, you’re not. Hold your shit together. You can’t fall apart on me now.” He searched my eyes, finding something that made his pulse pick up speed. “Let’s get out of the city. Away from all this temptation.”

  “You, pup,” I ground out between clenched teeth, “are temptation.”

  “I can’t let you go off alone. You’ll go right to her.” He wasn’t wrong. He let me pull free of him, but he didn’t let me get far.

  In my head the light and dark battled for control. They talked about me, like I wasn’t even there. Each staking their claim on what was left of my mind. Then they spoke to me.

  Taste him, the dark invited. You know he wants it.

  Touch him, the light suggested. You know you need it.

  “Better let me have it.” A sharp pain in my stomach almost doubled me over. The price I paid for feeding my obsessions. They simply grew. “I’m in rough shape tonight, pup. I’m gonna come at you, and it’s not going to be pleasurable for either of us when it’s over.”

  I focused hard on Shaz to keep seeing him as anything other than dead. That near-white shock of hair that I loved to slide my fingers through. The strong hands I’d watched caress the body of the woman we both loved. The sensual mouth I’d come to long for. All of it was Shaz. Just a few of the many things I’d come to know and love about him. But it didn’t matter. Not when I slipped into the kill zone.

  “Being apart is breaking you both down faster.” Shaz sighed and fisted his hair. “Being together makes you want to kill each other. This is the world’s biggest fuck you of a catch twenty-two.”

  “It’s not your job to save us, Shaz.” It pained me to watch him suffer. Alexa and I, we were victims of chance. Shaz, however, he chose to suffer with us.

  The white wolf had his own demons. Being unable to save Alexa was one of them. It didn’t stop him from trying with his whole heart though. He would do anything. Die for her without so much as a second thought.

  Playing the anchor for us had taken a toll on Shaz. It was there in the hunch of his shoulders. The way he pressed a hand to his eyes and muttered beneath his breath.

  In a fit of temper he threw a punch at a private property sign in the middle of the parking lot. The metal bent beneath the impact, splitting. A jagged piece sliced his knuckles.

  That’s all it took. One gash on the back of his hand. One fat drop of blood splashing the asphalt.

  The kill zone engulfed me. I was just there. Aware of nothing but the bleeding wolf, I attacked.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  SHAZ

  “It’s not your job to save us, Shaz.”

  I’m not sure why it set me off so bad when Arys said that. Maybe because I knew that he was right. I couldn’t save Alexa back when Raoul emotionally tormented her. And no matter how many times I kept her and Arys from killing each other, I couldn’t fix what was broken between them.

  So I lost my shit and punched the sign. Stupid mistake. The second I felt my skin split and saw the blood well, I knew Arys didn’t stand a chance. He was already too close to the edge.

  I watched it swallow him. The same darkness I’d watched take Alexa too. It came over him fast. A blink and a monster lurked behind his eyes. It was always there, in mischievous glints and sly smiles. But Arys was there too, keeping it in check.

  Not anymore.

  He rushed me with fangs bared and murderous intent. Having little time to react, I surged forward to meet him. Catching his middle with my shoulder, I flipped him up and over my back. He hit the ground hard, kicking up a cloud of gravel dust.

  Both fists up, I backed away slowly, giving him space. Giving myself space. I really was going to have to knock this idiot out.

  “Come on now, Arys. You’re stronger than this.” Staring into his feral eyes, I felt the need to speak. To try to bring some semblance of humanity back to him.

  With precise, careful steps, Arys glided toward me. Like a snake in the grass. Creeping toward its prey. Screw that. I wasn’t prey.

  “Stronger than death? Lust? The need to simply be what I am? Sorry, handsome. I wish I were.” He ran his tongue over the tip of a fang, capturing my attention far too easily with that simple motion.

  The detachment in his voice left me with a sense of dread. Like he was giving in. Not fighting at all anymore. “You don’t want to do this. I know you don’t. But if you want to force me to knock your ass out, then I will.” Reasoning with him wasn’t going to work. He wasn’t in a rational place.

  It had been a while since the two of us had really gone at it. Despite the transition in our strange relationship, I was still more than happy to kick his ass. The grin that lit up his face got my adrenaline pumping. So this was happening. Well, better here with me than elsewhere with Alexa.

  I didn’t wait for him to make the first move. Arys was too unpredictable like this. Rather than letting him get the drop on me with that smoldering stare, I slammed my fist into his face.

  It wasn’t the first punch he’d taken tonight. Wouldn’t be the last either. Arys’s snicker didn’t do a lot for my confidence, but I’d be damned if I’d show it. I hit him again, my gut sinking when he didn’t so much as block. Arys took every hit, as he’d done with Alexa. With that devious grin plastered on his face. It was probably the most crazed I’d ever seen him, and that was really saying something.

  Tiring myself out so I was an easier target didn’t jive with me so I eased off, forcing him to come to me. This was just a game to Arys. One that he had no intention of losing. This goddamn vampire was going to be the death of me.

  Tapping his chin, he invited another hit. “Don’t stop now. We’re just getting started.”

  I dropped my hands, leaving mysel
f defenseless. “You know what? Fuck it. I’m not doing this with you. It’s what you want. This isn’t a game, Arys. I’m not fighting you. Because I don’t think you’ll really kill me.”

  His brow furrowed. A storm brewed within his eyes. “Don’t be a fool.”

  It dawned on me. In the way confusion shook him, rattling his confidence. By succumbing to his darkness, Arys relied on me to keep him from doing something he’d regret. He didn’t believe he could fight the dark, because he believed he was the dark.

  Time for a change. The only way he’d get through this was by embracing the truth. That he was more than death. “Stop running from yourself, Arys. Stop believing this is all that you are.” Hands at my sides, I fought the wolf’s defensive instinct to shift. That wouldn’t achieve anything good.

  The storm surged, a downpour that possessed the vampire quaking before me. Hands clenched tight, like he struggled to hold himself back, he begged me with a look. And then a word: “Don’t.”

  It was all he could manage. But I was done fighting with him and watching him fight himself. There wasn’t a lot I could do for him, but I could do this. I could surrender.

  “You won’t kill me,” I repeated, holding my ground. Remaining vulnerable.

  Those magic words set Arys off like a bullet. I never saw him move. The world spun, and the breath was crushed from my lungs as he slammed me against a pickup truck. “What makes you so fucking sure?” he snarled, face inches from mine. Nothing about this was sensual. Violence shook him, his hands trembled as he fisted my shirt.

  Knowing the risk, I stared into the face of a cold-blooded killer and said, “You would have done it already.”

  Grabbing me by the throat, Arys slammed my head against the truck. “That’s a pretty risky game you’re playing. Do you know what I am, Shaz? What I’m capable of.” Arys’s gaze slid down my body, dragging with it a scorching heat. He squeezed hard enough to threaten both my air and blood flow.

  Blacking out was not an option.

  Seeing as I was seconds away from losing consciousness, I probably shouldn’t have been rocking a raging hard on. There were much worse ways to die, no doubt about that. Still, I didn’t believe he had it in him.

  “Of course,” I gasped out, struggling for breath. “But do you know what you are?”

  He eased off so I could breathe but didn’t let go. Anguish racked him when he all but shouted the words in my face. “I have been death and darkness for three hundred years. Until her. She made me this way. She made me feel again. And now all I want to do is die.”

  Pain so bright it blinded flashed across his face. Arys Knight, all around badass and vampire extraordinaire, had a weakness after all. He’d lived a long life of mayhem and murder with zero remorse. Until Alexa.

  She made him remember what it was to feel. To love. To exist for more than the kill. And it was breaking him down.

  I couldn’t pretend to understand his agony. I saw it though, and right then, that was enough.

  He buried his face in my throat. Fangs pressed to my artery. He’d kill me if he did it. This was no playful bite. It would be death.

  Alexa would destroy him if he killed me. We both knew that. Was this crazy bastard that far gone? I couldn’t let myself believe it.

  Dread prickled the back of my neck. Not fear though. I had chosen long ago never to fear Arys. Even with his fangs hovering over my carotid. “I trust you,” I whispered, my body rigid between Arys and the truck. I looked forward to the night when it would be him trapped by me.

  Now those were the magic words. I wasn’t prepared for the reaction they brought forth. Arys jerked his head back, grazing my skin with his fangs as he did. The storm relinquished its hold and he collapsed at my feet. His entire body shook. Hunched in on himself, Arys rocked on his knees, staring at his hands like he wasn’t sure who they belonged to. Seeing three centuries worth of blood.

  For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know how to handle him. This broken version of him sitting at my feet, shoulders shaking silently while blood tears spattered the ground.

  Arys had been strong for too long. Staying in darkness so as not to feel. Now it overwhelmed him to the breaking point. I guess maybe that wasn’t strength but fear. Fear could drive the strongest people mad.

  I sank to the ground beside him, rubbing the raw skin of my bruised neck. He didn’t look at me, just stared at his hands in silence. So I sat with him, knees drawn up, hands clasped. Staring at the night sky, trying to pick out the few stars I could.

  After some time passed, Arys reached over and took hold of my cut hand. Sliding his fingers through mine, he brought it to his mouth and kissed my bleeding knuckles. The wet touch of his tongue followed. He clutched my hand tight. Desperate. His ragged sigh cut to the bone. It was the sound of defeat.

  We sat there saying nothing while the night crawled by. Hands clasped. The only parts of us that touched despite how close we sat. My gaze dropped to our joined hands.

  Arys didn’t touch me the way he touched Alexa. Like she was desired, delicate, and something to be adored. Worshipped even. He touched me like I was a lifeline in a hurricane. Like I was strength. Not just wanted but needed.

  A flicker in my chest shook me. A twinge of something I wasn’t sure I was ready to feel.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  A swell of agony ripped apart my insides. Sudden and sharp, then gone as fast as it had come.

  It was Arys. Wherever he was, he was suffering. Like I was suffering. But worse. Breaking down faster. His torment echoed within me. I wanted to go to him, but it could be suicide.

  I watched Gabriel approach with eager expectation. The emotional upheaval going on inside me didn’t hinder what I was about to do. It encouraged it.

  Holding my power in check, I gave Gabriel one last chance to decide this was stupid of him. But whatever it was that he knew, the things he’d seen that I hadn’t, it was stronger than any worries he might harbor.

  He stood before me, his aura swelling with a sudden rise of anticipation. “I’m not changing my mind. Why are you so hesitant? Is it because nobody else has been willing?”

  Holy shit, the kid nailed it. Had he always been so insightful? Yes, of course. Because he could see things about everybody. I’d lost count of how many potential visions of me he’d had.

  “Yeah,” I admitted with a rueful smile, “I think it is.”

  It changed the entire dynamic. Willow had been willing too but that had been different. He wouldn’t have lasted long as human. For him it had been a small price to pay.

  I held up a finger, needing to lay down these rules for myself as much as Gabriel. “Let’s get a few things straight first: Tonight it’s blood only. My lovers are as inner circle as it gets. I prefer to keep that circle small. That’s not to say I’m not interested in adding you to it. Just gotta make those decisions carefully.”

  Yeah, because my lovers became addicted to me, if one was to believe Falon. Not to mention that Gabriel had yet to give me what I needed, to show me I could trust him. Only then would he get what he wanted from me.

  “Fair enough. Can I say something as well?” Gabriel waited for my nod. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to sleep with you. But I have no interest in anything more than blood and sex. Just to be perfectly clear.”

  More than fine with me. The pieces of my heart had all been given away. One of them died with Kale. The others, they belonged to Arys and Shaz. I had nothing left to spare another man. Body, blood, and power though… well that was different.

  Gabriel had watched me kill Kale. I suspected that might have motivated some of this discussion. It was good to lay our expectations on the line. No sense doing this with anything but complete openness.

  “Good. Then we’re on the same page. Come on.” Perhaps the best time to make such a decision wasn’t while afflicted by such tumultuous feelings. I couldn’t be where I wanted to be, with the man I craved most and our white wolf. And I could sure use the distr
action.

  I led him back to where he’d parked Shya’s white Mercedes. Hopping onto the trunk, I loosed a subtle pulse of my thrall. “Just a warning. I’m going to roll you hard.”

  Gabriel’s gaze fell to my lips. “I should hope so.” He kept his distance, waiting for me to take command.

  Which I did. One leg crossed over the other, I eyed him with growing predatory intrigue, my foot bouncing. I let the thrall trickle from me like a slow leak that steadily grew toward a flash flood.

  I watched it take him. Gradually his eyes glazed until he saw only me. Nothing else in the world existed to him right then. His desire rose with a sudden ferocity that I found pleasantly surprising. It teased my hungers.

  Blood only. That’s what I’d said. I had to stick to my own rule.

  Relinquishing the last of my hold on the allure, I let it run rampant through him. The night air grew hot with the spicy aroma of Gabriel’s lust. I wanted to eat him up.

  Completely under my spell, he no longer held himself back. He came at me, and I didn’t stop him from kissing me hard, a bruising crush of our lips that nicked my lip on a fang. His or mine, I couldn’t be sure. He sucked my lip into his mouth, tasting the tiny drop of blood.

  Being an incubus, Gabriel naturally grabbed hold of the power I drenched him in and feasted on it, rolling it around in his mind. He pushed back at me with his own seductive vibe.

  My hands found their way into his inky black hair. It was softer than I’d expected. Sensing the rush of heat and moisture between my legs, Gabriel nudged my thighs apart so he could stand between them.

  The bulge in his jeans was bigger than I’d expected, not that I’d been expecting this at all. Again I had to remind myself that this was blood only. Rules. For some reason I couldn’t comprehend them just then.

  Gabriel held the back of my head in a passionate grasp as he kissed a hot path down my jaw to my throat. His aura vibrated with his yearning for me, a near audible shriek in my head.