How To Be Deadly (Rebel Heart Book 4) Read online

  I sipped my drink, uneasy with whatever he was about to say. I hadn’t come prepared for a serious talk with Rowen. In fact, I’d done all I could to avoid it for weeks now. Which wasn’t entirely fair to him. “Maybe we should go for coffee sometime,” I began, uncomfortable but trying to play it off. “We can talk and—”

  “I miss you, Spike.” His words came in a rush. “Every night I have to stop myself from driving over to your apartment. I just look at you, and it kills me to think of how I fucked everything up for us. I’m sorry. If I could go back and do things your way, I would.”

  “Don’t say that,” I admonished. “Never say that. You did what you believed was right. I never want you to feel bad about that.”

  Rowen leaned against the wall, gaze fixed on me. So much regret burned within those fiery eyes. “But I do. I feel like shit. The more I think about it, the more I realize you were right. We should’ve taken on Dash together.”

  Inwardly I groaned. Now he agreed with me? Hearing that hurt. But it wasn’t what I wanted. Not now, after all this time. “I don’t want you to have regrets, Rowen. You’re a good guy. It’s over now. There’s no sense beating yourself up over it.” Trying to comfort him, I patted his arm.

  Rowen sipped from his beer, gazing around the bar. “But we’re over too now. Because I wouldn’t listen to you.”

  What could I say to that? For the most part he wasn’t wrong. Having him take action without me had hurt. It made me feel like we weren’t the team I needed us to be.

  Feeling eyes upon me I glanced up to find Arrow watching us from his place across the room. Our gazes locked. Something fluttered in my chest. I sucked in a deep breath.

  “We both made choices, and in the end, we won. Dash is gone.” I looked away from Arrow, hoping Rowen didn’t realize we had his brother’s attention. “Rowen, I miss you too. Don’t think this isn’t hard for me.”

  He stared at the beer bottle, watching the drops of condensation streak their way down the glass. “Do you think we’ll ever be able to try again? Or is it really over?”

  Not at all ready for that question, I racked my brain for a response.

  Rowen sighed, accepting my uneasy silence as his answer.

  I couldn’t abide that. “I don’t know. I wish I did. We just… We need some time.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded before swigging from the beer. “You keep saying that. But I’m starting to think you just don’t want to decide between us.” Rowen jerked his chin in Arrow’s direction.

  Harsh, but was he wrong? I followed his gaze to find Arrow laughing at something the blonde had said. He didn’t look our way again. “I’m not ready to do this. Thanks for the drink.” Cheeks burning, I walked away.

  Part of me was pissed off. The rest of me was embarrassed. Why should I be made to feel ashamed that I’d developed feelings for Arrow? I didn’t even know what exactly those feelings were. And I made no effort to find out.

  Because I was afraid of what I might discover. And despite what Rowen might think, I did miss him. And despite the way things had gone down between us, I didn’t want to hurt him.

  “Spike,” Rowen called after me. “Wait. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  I kept walking, headed for Jett and Sam.

  We had demon trouble. Again. That had to be my focus.

  “Hey girl, glad you made it.” Jett greeted me, spinning around on Sam’s lap to face me when I sat next to them. “Did you talk to Cinder?”

  “Yeah.” I plopped down in the chair, hand clasped around my drink. “It’s bad. We need to talk about it. The four of us.”

  Sam feigned offense. “I’m always excluded from the monster talk. I’m just a lowly human, but I can contribute. Give me a chance, ladies. I’m not just good looking; I’m smart too.”

  As much as we tried to hide our identities from our friends, that kind of thing simply couldn’t stay under wraps for long. Over time they’d come to learn the truth about us. Still, keeping them out of the danger zone was a must.

  “Sure you are, baby,” Jett crooned, grabbing Sam’s face so it squished his lips into a dramatic pout. “But you know it’s not your brains that I dig so much about you.”

  Sam’s short spiky hair was now bleached blond. A silver hoop through one nostril was relatively new. Like most of us he bore a collage of ink. The howling wolf on his forearm had faded just enough to show its age. What strange foreshadowing. Not so unlike the feather tattoo on Rowen’s neck.

  “Sorry, Sam. Monster talk is on a need to know basis. Trust me. It’s best if you don’t know.” Vodka sang through my veins. Should’ve gotten a double.

  Rowen ambled over and set his empty beer bottle on the table. “I’ll get Arrow and meet you in the parking lot. I want to know what’s going on.”

  Jett and I exchanged a glance. She nodded and disentangled herself from Sam. “Save the table, babe. We’ll be back.”

  I slugged back the rest of my drink and accompanied Jett to the door. Once we reached the parking lot, she fished a joint out of her bra and sparked it up. So typical.

  “Hope Arrow’s not too bummed that we’re dragging him away from his floozy,” she quipped. “Doesn’t he realize how ridiculously obvious he is? That shit is not going to make you jealous.”

  “No,” I laughed. “Of course not. But he’s always been a womanizer. I doubt it has anything to do with me.”

  She puffed away on the spliff with a wry smile. “Yeah. Right.”

  I shushed her when the brothers rounded the corner of the building. Tension held me rigid. Separating personal issues from demon business was not going to be easy. I knew it the moment I failed to look either of them in the eye without immediately glancing away.

  “Something going on?” Arrow glanced from me to Jett. He seemed to find it easier to look at her. So I wasn’t the only one feeling it.

  Jett took a large toke and held the joint out to me, gesturing with it for me to speak.

  I sucked in the sweet smoke and gathered my thoughts. “You know how Cinder has that scar through his eyebrow?” I started, unsure of how to begin. When they nodded I continued. “The demon who gave it to him is here. In the city. Looking for vengeance. He killed two of Cinder’s charges. Both of them bore his seal.”

  Saying it fed the spark of fear tickling my gut. Maybe I should have Cinder remove his seal from me. But would that even make a difference? Wren had to know about me by now. It might only endanger me with other demons.

  “The same seal you bear.” Arrow nodded. “I see where this is going. You’re a target.”

  Our gazes locked. His hazel eyes were rimmed in black liner, a little heavier than usual and smudged like he’d dragged his fingers through it. Those eyes gleamed with an animal-like radiance. He wore a Molly’s Chamber t-shirt and leather pants that hugged him tight, outlining parts of him that perhaps shouldn’t have been displayed so blatantly. But that was likely the effect he’d been going for. Tattooed arms bare, he seemed oblivious to the cold.

  “It looks to be that way,” I confirmed. “Cinder’s hunting him down, but in the meantime, he wants us to stick together. Watch each other’s backs.”

  “Which means he doesn’t want you caught alone. An easy target.” Arrow accepted the joint when I passed it.

  Our fingers touched, and though it was the smallest, simplest action, an adrenaline-fueled tingle shot through me. Quickly I pulled away, knowing Jett would sense the uptick in my heart rate. Because she wasn’t a jerk, she never said a word.

  Rowen crossed his arms, shivering slightly. “Guess losing Cinder’s seal worked in my favor. So what do we do? Just stick together?”

  “Someone stays with Spike at all times,” Jett supplied.

  Alarmed by all that implied, I vehemently shook my head, making my black hair whip about. “That’s not necessary. Really. I’ll be fine. I’m safe at home with Cinder’s wards on my apartment.”

  “You can’t stay trapped at home, Spike. Letting this demon cage
you in your own apartment is letting him take your life away. And you’re a demon ass-kicker now. Be cautious, of course, but don’t be afraid.” Jett had a point. Living in fear would be exactly what Wren wanted.

  Rowen shuffled his feet and blew on his hands to warm them. “You probably still shouldn’t be out and about alone. Better safe than sorry. We’ll have your back.”

  “Thanks.” I gave him a smile that felt sadder than I’d have liked. “I just feel so bad for Cinder. He was pretty shook up. Wren was a close friend before his fall. A brother. I can’t imagine what he’s going through.”

  I glanced around at my friends, unable to envision one of them turning on me. Becoming the enemy. Rowen seemed to share my thought because he slid Arrow a sideways look that spoke volumes.

  “Dude, what the hell?” Arrow recoiled, offended at what hadn’t been said. “That’s not going to happen to us.”

  Something unspoken passed between them.

  Before it could get too tense, Rowen shrugged. “I’m sure it won’t, but you know, it could. All it takes is one bad decision.”

  My eyes widened. This was not a conversation that I wanted to be present for.

  Jett laughed, a short, surprised sound.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Now Arrow was pissed. He faced Rowen, arms crossed, defenses up.

  “Whatever you want it to mean,” Rowen snarled, voice low.

  Arrow’s entire body stiffened like he fought to keep from throwing a punch. I suspected this was not the first time they’d had this discussion. There’d been tension between them before, but it had never been like this. Not until Rowen found out Arrow had developed feelings for me.

  “Ok, boys.” Jett clapped her hands a few times, drawing their attention to her. “Either throw down or shut up. Cuz I’m about ready to smack the both of you.”

  They dropped it, but the bitter vibe they’d created lingered. Unable to deal with it, I rocked forward on the balls of my feet, propelling myself into motion. “I’m gonna head in. I could use another drink.”

  “Morons,” Jett muttered, falling into step beside me.

  The brothers followed, keeping their distance from me and each other. Bad blood wouldn’t help us. We needed to be united if we were to protect one another.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  When I rounded the corner, Koda leaned against the wall beside the coat check. Great. I didn’t simply have enough awkward crap to deal with yet tonight.

  “Spike.” He greeted me with a nod and a vicious smile. “Cinder’s a fool to leave you unescorted. Unless he’s using you as bait. Wren’s been looking for you.”

  “I’m pretty sure he already knows where to find me,” I snapped. “So if you’re trying to needle me, try harder. You’re losing your touch, Koda.”

  Jett tapped my shoulder. “I’ll get us drinks. I can see that you’re about to need a stiff one.”

  She left me to fight the ongoing battle that was Koda, knowing I could handle him. Not that I wanted to. The demon had become an incessant pain in my ass. Since the night I kicked the ass of his partner in crime, Koda had laid low. Now he was back, seemingly for no other reason than to taunt me and instill terror.

  Rowen and Arrow lingered, like they didn’t want to keep moving until the other one did. So they stayed.

  “I don’t think you realize who exactly Wren is or what he’s capable of. If I were you, I wouldn’t be caught outside of your cozy little apartment without Cinder. You’ll never last even one round with Wren.” From his much taller height, Koda frowned down at me.

  Average height as I was, I still had to look up at him. “Can’t imagine it would bother you much if he took me out next. You’ve gotta be sick of me by now. And I can assure you, the feeling is mutual.” Exchanging barbs with Koda wasted my time, but occasionally I hit him with one that gave me a semblance of satisfaction. This was not one of those times.

  Though I could see right through his human appearance now, I tried not to. For some demons, their true form was enough to keep one from sleeping ever again. I didn’t want to see any more than I had to.

  Koda’s scarlet gaze traveled over me, landing on my cleavage. “You know that’s not true. My offer still stands. Become my bride and you’ll be protected. He won’t touch you. Because then you’ll belong to me, not Cinder.”

  I could have barfed. With utter disdain written all over my face, I opened my mouth to sass him.

  Arrow beat me to it. “Holy shit, you’re pathetic. You never give up, do you?”

  The demon eyed him with a strange mix of intrigue and contempt. Tilting his head to study the dark nephilim, Koda replied, “Neither do you, it seems. From what I see, you don’t have any more of a shot than I do.”

  Damn. Demons knew how to hit where it hurt. Again I found myself caught in a position where I didn’t know what to say or do. So I walked away. Of course, this response to a tense discussion wouldn’t work every time. If anyone was pathetic here, it might have been me. But hey, who was keeping track?

  Koda didn’t let me get more than a few steps. “It happened again, Spike. Wren. Tonight. You didn’t know?”

  “Where?” I demanded, marching back to him, irritated that he could so easily manipulate me. “How do you know this? Are you working with Wren?”

  I wouldn’t put it past Koda to form ties with a demon intent on taking Cinder down. Though he preferred to operate as more of a lone wolf, he’d formed bonds in the past when they’d suited his own personal agenda.

  Koda scoffed. “Wren doesn’t work with anyone. Of course, maybe that’s changed. He’s been locked away for some time. But I haven’t seen him myself. Just the bodies he left behind. This most recent one, on the front step of a church downtown, quite a doozy. I imagine The Circle has disposed of it already.”

  Shit.

  I looked at the guys. “I have to go check it out.”

  “Do you though?” Rowen questioned.

  In the same breath Arrow said, “So let’s go.”

  And that right there was what set them apart. Rowen opted for safety right off the bat, whereas Arrow was up for anything. There were pros and cons to both of their approaches, and there was certainly a time for each.

  Being reckless wasn’t my intent. Cinder wanted me to stay safe, but I hadn’t trained my ass off to hide out and do nothing. Maybe it had taken some time for me to adjust to my place fighting against the dark—an adjustment period that would likely be ongoing—yet hiding out and doing nothing wouldn’t help.

  “I have to go. Cinder needs to know everything Wren does. And so do we.” Guess it was a good thing I’d only had the one drink. Duty called. “Don’t feel like you guys need to come.”

  This was said more for Rowen’s benefit, but it didn’t matter. Both of them rolled their eyes.

  “You literally just said that Cinder wants us to stick together,” Arrow pointed out. “We’ll all go.”

  Rowen frowned but didn’t protest. Fishing keys from a pocket, he spun them on a finger. “We can take my car. I’m not risking a visit to a murder scene in that drug machine.”

  Couldn’t argue that. Arrow’s BMW likely had dope stashed in cracks and crevices that he had long forgotten.

  Jett looked pretty cozy with Sam. Since I knew the worst was yet to come, she might as well stay and enjoy him. I told her as much and got her heated irritation in response. Well, if she wanted to come, there would be no stopping her. Jett’s willing participation, or perhaps eager enjoyment, at being included in our group amazed me. Nephilim were a pretty far cry from werewolves. Apparently she found some profound satisfaction in being part of our world.

  I turned down Arrow’s offer to let me ride shotgun, opting to join Jett in back. Much safer.

  Rowen’s black Dodge Charger smelled so much like him, some Calvin Klein cologne. I still caught whiffs of in my apartment on occasion. It socked me in the chest, leaving me breathless. Son of a bitch, it triggered a mess of memories, all of them too good to let g
o.

  Except for one. The one I’d sacrificed for safe passage home when we’d visited the prison realm where our fathers dwelled.

  With a sigh I fought through memories of skin on skin and blue hair against my pillow. I caught Jett staring at me with raised brows.

  No words were needed. Like best friends did, she just knew. She gave my arm a warm squeeze. “Hey, Rowen. Let’s get some tunes going in here. I’m not a fan of awkward silence.”

  He appeased her by turning on the local rock station. We all seemed to be listening to it a lot more than usual, waiting and hoping to hear one of our songs. The guys had a bit more experience than us overall, but we were catching up fast. YouTube hits on Crimson Sin’s live footage were growing steadily. So were downloads on the small EP we currently had for sale. We couldn’t wait to release our first full-length album along with a professional video.

  “So how’s work on the album going?” I asked, trying to start a conversation we could all participate in without weirdness. Molly’s Chamber had released one album independently, but our label wanted them to record a new one before the upcoming summer tour.

  “Pretty good. We should be getting studio time soon. We’re focusing on concepts for the first video.” Arrow turned in the passenger seat to look in the back. “You should be in it, Spike. You’d be a perfect fit.”

  “Yeah,” Rowen scoffed. “Because you wrote the song about her.”

  Ok, so music talk was filled with weirdness also. Great.

  “That’s your first single off the new album?” Jett asked. “Interesting choice. What’s it called?”

  The brothers exchanged a look. Rowen tapped a hand on the steering wheel and huffed. “We haven’t decided yet.”

  “At this point I’d like to just call it ‘Untitled’ because nothing seems right. The constant arguing doesn’t help.” Cold air blasted us, as Arrow rolled his window down a few inches.

  Jett caught a handful of hair that blew about her face and pulled it behind her. “So why keep it at all? Maybe just scrap the song. Or give it to us. You owe us one anyway.” She would hold that grudge for all eternity.