Adrenalize Read online

  A combination of shrieking and giggling drew my attention to the back lounge where a stripper pole was visible. A woman hung off it by her legs, reaching with a hand to draw someone near. Rowen leaned into view, playfully smacking her panty-clad ass.

  Fairly certain that I had fallen asleep and awoken into my worst nightmare, I turned tail and fled Blue’s bus. Arrow followed hot on my heels.

  I had just made it around the other side of the vampire’s bus when Arrow caught up. Taking hold of my elbow, he pulled me to a stop. “Hey, Spike, what the hell? Why did you take off like that?”

  Arrow’s animal-like eyes were bloodshot, his pupils enormous. He smelled like alcohol, cigarettes, and cheap perfume. I hated it as much as I loved him.

  “You haven’t messaged in hours. I thought I should come make sure you guys are ok, but apparently you’re doing just fine without me.” I tugged my arm from his grasp, unable to shake the inadequacy that drilled deep into the most vulnerable parts of me. Seeing the two of them in all their rock star glory brought out insecurities I hadn’t even known I had.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Brow furrowed in confusion Arrow struggled to make sense of the situation. “I went in there to get close to the guy, when all I want to do is tear his fucking head off and shit down the stump. If you think I’m enjoying this, Spike, you’re all wrong.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath and looked skyward, trying not to unload the emotion piling up inside me like a multicar collision. “I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you to do coke and mingle with eager groupies all night.”

  Despite the narcotics in his system, Arrow still read me with ease. “What’s going on with you, angel girl? It’s not like you to act the jealous type.”

  “Nothing’s going on with me. Can you really blame me for being less than enthusiastic about finding you on Blue’s bus with a woman almost in your lap while you bond with him over a mountain of cocaine?”

  Taking me by the shoulder, Arrow guided me away from the buses where we could speak privately. I kicked a crumpled beer can near my foot, feeling more frustrated as I was unable to release the angry heat building inside me. And I thought Jett needed a frequent release to stay calm and clearheaded.

  “Look, I’m not sure exactly what I did wrong here. You know damn well I don’t want any other woman but you. There’s gonna be a lot of chicks sticking their tits in my face, but I don’t want them. I want you.” Arrow reached to touch my face, tipping my chin up so I was forced to look him in the eye.

  His touch sent a tremble through me. I both wanted to lean into it, and I wanted to walk away. Arrow Lynch had gotten inside my head and, even worse, inside my heart, and I didn’t know how to make this uncertainty stop. I trusted him and yet... I was still afraid.

  “I’m not sure if I’m more upset about the women or the blow.” It was the blow. Without a doubt. “It terrifies me to think about seeing you like that again. How many more overdoses do you think you can survive, Arrow? Because I don’t want to find out the hard way what your limit is.”

  There was a hard, angry edge to my voice, but inside I was scared shitless. He seemed to know that because he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. Arrow held me tight against him even when I made a feeble attempt to dislodge him. I didn’t really want him to let go. I just had such a hard time letting myself be vulnerable.

  “I am not going to die on you. I promise. At this point you couldn’t get rid of me if you wanted to. I am yours whether you want me or not.” Arrow pulled back just enough to study my face with an intensity that set me on my toes.

  “But I can’t fight your demons, Arrow. And sometimes I really wish I could.” There was so much more that I couldn’t say. My inner worries couldn’t have picked a worse time to surface. “I can’t help but wonder, if you had to choose, would it still be me?”

  Why did I say that? I clamped my tongue between my teeth before anything else stupid could tumble out.

  The shadows shifted ever so slightly around us in response to Arrow’s anguish. Rubbing a frustrated hand over his face smudged the black liner around his eyes, but that only made it hotter. “It’s not up to you to save me, Spike. I will always have my demons; they will always have me. I’m dark. It’s in me, in who I am and everything I do. But please, don’t for a second doubt my devotion to you. You’re the one good thing in my life. The only good thing I’ve ever touched and not had it immediately go to shit. But you can’t save me from myself, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

  Because I didn’t know what to say, I shook my head and choked on a sob. Where the hell had that come from? “I know.”

  “I swore I wouldn’t back down or give up on this. On us. Trust me when I say I’m not going anywhere.” With those words Arrow kissed me, a tender claiming of my lips that shut down my wild fears.

  But it didn’t quell the deep inner need I had to purge this terrible feeling inside me. It was something I could only achieve one way.

  “You’re amazing.” I kissed him back hard, a little more forceful than intended. He dug it though, responding with a fierce intensity. “I’m sorry for being such a basketcase. Being on the road is starting to get to me. I just need to let off some steam, then I’ll meet you back at the bus.”

  I started to pull away, and he caught my fingers in his. “Let me come with you. We’re not supposed to get caught alone, remember?”

  “Just give me twenty minutes. I won’t be long.” Before he could stop me, I was off and moving across the parking lot.

  I didn’t know where I was going. I only knew that there was a bar right down the street where festivalgoers had drifted after the show. There had to be some demon activity there. Every city crawled with them. And if I needed anything right then, it was a solid rumble with a demon.

  CHAPTER NINE

  SO DESPERATE TO QUELL the unsettled commotion ripping apart my insides, I soon found myself in a strange bar in a strange city. Now all I needed was a strange demon.

  To be fair, all demons are pretty damn strange. I just needed someone to take a little aggression out on. Any demon would do.

  What just happened with Arrow had left me confused and pissed off with myself. Why did I have to be so skittish? Why couldn’t I give my entire self to Arrow the way he so readily gave himself to me?

  I wanted to, but Rowen had left me so raw and wounded. If I didn’t let that hurt go, it would destroy what I had with Arrow. Even now it manifested, causing destruction in my life. It had to stop.

  I sidled up to the bar and ordered a drink, using it as an excuse to look around the place. It was a decent sized hangout, a little watering hole for the after-concert crowd. Eighties rock music boomed through the house speakers. Several people packed onto the small dance floor, singing along at the top of their lungs to “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne.

  It didn’t take long to find what I’d come for. Standing off to one side of the dance floor with a drink in hand, a demon eyed the dancers, appraising his options. He hadn’t noticed me yet.

  I stood off to the side of the bar where I could observe both the demon and everyone else inside the place. Waiting for just the right moment to make my move, I didn’t expect to be spotted. Half a dozen people at a nearby table recognized me from the show. After a strangely surreal few minutes of exchanging small talk and signing a few random items, like bar coasters and receipts, I excused myself.

  Had I lost my mind in just two weeks on the road? There were fans here. Representatives of the human life I so badly wanted to prove that I could live. And then there was also him. The demon. The representative of the life I’d never had a choice in. The reason I’d walked through the door.

  I couldn’t very well lure a demon into a magical showdown in such a scenario. I could, however, lure them into a good old fistfight. All I needed was a good brawl. Then we could both go our separate ways, and maybe I could approach the rest of the tour with a clear head.

  Fin
ishing off my drink, I discarded the empty glass and made my way toward the demon. He seemed to be especially fixated on a redheaded woman sitting alone at a table crammed off in the corner. It didn’t matter what he’d come here for. I planned to throw him off his game.

  With every step that brought me closer to him, the anticipation grew. I thrummed with excitement. It was a certain kind of magic all its own. The rush of the fight. The thrill of the hunt.

  A demon in a place like this often sought victims they could tempt into harmful vices and bad decisions, like addiction or getting behind the wheel of a car while drunk. These low-level demons were a dime a dozen. Like a Starbucks on every corner, they were everywhere. Always good for laying down a much-deserved beating.

  My palms burned hot, and I clenched them both into fists. He turned just in time to find me suddenly there behind him. Black eyes widened in surprise. I got that a lot. Being a so-called rare female. I couldn’t tell if it was a blessing or a curse. Depended on who I was speaking to.

  “What in the flying fuck?” He barely made it through his sentence before my right fist smashed into his jaw.

  Sure it was risky as hell to get into a fistfight during a time when I very much needed my hands damage free. But if I didn’t let this rage out now, it would consume me, and the next time my frustrations could manifest as fire in the wrong place at the wrong time. It had been so long since I’d gone without a fight or the use of my gifts that I hadn’t realized how hard it would be. I needed this.

  “Sorry, dude. It’s not personal really. Just need to let off a little steam. I’m sure you understand.” I followed up with my left fist, slamming his head back in the opposite direction.

  The demon continued to gape at me like he wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. Swiping a hand through a drop of blood that appeared under his nose, he stared at me with something I didn’t usually see. Fear.

  Raising both hands, the demon took a slow step back. “I don’t want any trouble with you, flame bearer. I would happily be on my way if you’d be so willing as to forget we ever met.”

  “Wait, what?” I huffed a small laugh of disbelief. “You’re bailing on me just like that? You don’t want to throw a punch or anything first? If you’d like to take this outside and really let loose, I’m totally game.”

  I couldn’t help but be glad Cinder couldn’t hear me right then. I could just see the disappointment etched in his crinkled forehead.

  “I’d rather not,” the demon said, shaking his head vigorously. “We both know you can kick my ass. So I’m just going to leave and wish you a good night.”

  He didn’t hang around to find out if I was on board with that plan. Darting for the nearest door, he disappeared outside and would most certainly vanish the second he was clear of witnesses.

  I stared after him, wondering how so many of them so far from home knew who I was now. It scared me, as it should. I didn’t like that he’d feared me from the moment he laid eyes on me. Because people kill that which they fear and do not understand.

  Any angels and demons who knew of the rebellion prophecy would naturally believe it to be about me. I fit the description. Unfortunately, they all seemed to believe it was a reason to kill me.

  Except for this guy who’d tucked tail and run. It left me baffled and more uncertain about this prophecy than I’d been since I learned of it. As soon as I got home, I was going to sit Cinder down and make him tell me everything he knew. No more holding off for my own good or until a better time. There was no better time for preparation than now.

  “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.” A familiar voice behind me had me whirling around. Rowen stood there with a beer in hand, a brow lifted playfully.

  “What?” Surprised to see him, I glanced about for our friends, but he appeared to be alone.

  “You. Picking a fight with a demon for shits and giggles. I never thought you were the type.” Rowen’s careful observation was delivered with a sense of wistfulness.

  I could no longer afford to be wistful. “Well, I never used to be.” The need for a fight was far from satisfied. Frustrated, I swiped the beer from Rowen’s hand and took a few swallows before handing it back. “What are you doing here, Rowen? Did you follow me?”

  “I just needed to grab a drink somewhere other than tour bus central. Can I get you something?” He used his beer bottle to point toward the bar.

  I couldn’t help but wonder what had torn him away from the stripper pole in the back of Blue’s bus. There weren’t many nice ways to ask though. “No, thank you. I’m good. I imagine there are a lot of groupies back at the buses wondering where you are right now.”

  A bitchy thing to say but I didn’t mean it as such. And it didn’t come out that way. It sounded sad and inwardly I cringed. Seeing Rowen move on didn’t bother me. It was seeing him do it with such total disregard and disrespect for himself. That’s what bugged me.

  Amber eyes traveled over me in silent contemplation. I was so out of my element. In this bar, this city. This moment.

  “Why do you still care?” There was no challenge or venom in Rowen’s tone. Just genuine curiosity.

  We didn’t need to do this right now, if ever. There was no upheaval between us. No conflict and upset. There was nothing at all. And I think that was the saddest thing about us.

  Crossing my arms, I heard myself say, “It’s just hard to see you throw yourself into this rock star world. The booze and the women. It’s not like you. I care about you, Rowen. I just want what’s best for you.”

  That, apparently, had been the wrong thing to say. Darkness washed over his face. “What was best for me, Spike, was you. I don’t have that anymore, so I’ve got nothing to lose. Might as well enjoy this while I can.”

  Talk about bringing a gun to a knife fight. There is no easy way to respond to an ex-lover lashing out. The pent-up frustration I’d hoped to unleash on the demon burst out through my mouth instead.

  “You’re light, Rowen. You’re better than that. And you deserve better than that.”

  “And what about you? Don’t you deserve better? You’re light and you settled for dark.” Rowen fired his retort right back at me, like he’d had it primed and ready.

  It came at me like a slap in the face. It was his brother he spoke of, his best friend. “I didn’t settle for anything. I love Arrow. I don’t even know how can you say that. He’s your best friend.”

  Rowen nodded, the sharp jerky motion causing his hawk to flop over one eye. “He is, and I want him to be happy. I just don’t want it to be with you.”

  The harsh truth was such a brutal, ugly thing. I wasn’t sure that I was ready for Rowen’s truth. Having no words, I simply gaped at him in disbelief.

  “Yeah, I know I’m not supposed to say that shit.” Shifting his weight from foot to foot, Rowen downed the rest of his beer and raised the bottle in a sarcastic toast. “Here’s to Arrow. May he be everything that I could never be.”

  Rowen’s mocking words were loaded with pain. Nothing else fueled this kind of bitterness. He was a good guy. A great guy really. Not once had he tried to interfere with Arrow and me. He’d spent the last few months having to see us together, and this was the cruelest thing he’d mustered in all that time.

  “Have a good night, Rowen.” There was nothing else I could say. Leaving Rowen there to drown his anger and jealousy felt wrong, but what else could I do?

  We both still carried wounds from our time together. Who knew we could damage each other so much?

  CHAPTER TEN

  I WAS OVER IT. THE history with Rowen that would not rest. Maybe spending so much time together was making it impossible to completely let go of the past. Perhaps when we returned home, it would be best if we distanced ourselves from one another.

  The short walk back to the bus was quiet. Other than a small group of guys making their way to the bar I’d just left, I passed no one. Nothing could have made the night worse, except for a conceited asshole that d
idn’t know how to take no for an answer.

  Blue Monroe lingered near the buses. The parking lot was quiet. Everyone had settled down for the night. The workday started early, and the buses would pull out by dawn. I glanced about, finding it odd that he was out here by himself. My plan was to act like I didn’t even see him and walk right on by to my own bus down at the other end of the row.

  Anticipating such a move, Blue inserted himself in my way. “What are you doing out here all alone?” he asked like the big bad wolf asking for directions to grandmother’s house. Sketchy as hell. “There’s a lot of unsavory characters out on a night like this.”

  I’d had it with Blue and his creepy bullshit. With my fists clenched, I vibrated with everything I hadn’t been able to unleash back at the bar. “You don’t say. You know, Blue, I’m really not in the mood for this crap. Get the hell out of my way.”

  I moved to dodge him, and he moved with me, keeping himself firmly in my path. A few well-placed moves taught by Cinder, and I could lay this guy out like the trash he was. God, how I ached to. There was no question that he deserved it. I’d thrown punches for less. But I knew after the warning Jett had earned us that it would be an automatic expulsion from the rest of the tour. So I gritted my teeth and tried to find the peaceful way out a bad situation.

  “I haven’t done anything wrong. Just trying to get to know you.” He held up both hands in a show of innocence, but he reeked of spiritual corruption. Blue was all human, but certainly the devil lived inside him.

  “I’m not interested, and I’m not going to say that again.” This time I pushed past him harder. Using my elbow to dig between his ribs, I shoved him aside.